New Year, New You: Setting Goals with DBT Principles

The start of a new year often brings a desire for change, personal growth, and setting new goals. But for many, staying committed to these goals can feel overwhelming, especially when struggles with intense emotions, negative thoughts, or mental health conditions make it difficult to stay focused. That’s where Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can help.

As a type of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), DBT provides practical tools to help individuals regulate emotions, improve interpersonal effectiveness, and develop healthy coping skills. Whether you’re working through therapy sessions for borderline personality disorder (BPD), eating disorders, or other mental health conditions, DBT can be a valuable framework for setting goals and following through on them.

If you’re ready to take on the new year with a mindset shift, here’s how you can benefit from DBT principles to set and achieve goals that align with your values and build a life worth living.

1. Use SMART Goals to Stay Focused

One of the most effective ways to set goals is by following the SMART method: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely. This structure helps ensure your goals are clear and realistic, reducing the chances of frustration and burnout.

Example: Instead of saying, “I want to be healthier,” a SMART goal would be, “I will go on a 30-minute walk three times a week for the next three months.”

Applying DBT principles, like emotion regulation skills and coping strategies, can make it easier to stick to your goals, even when motivation fades or obstacles arise.

2. Practice Mindfulness to Stay Present

DBT emphasizes mindfulness, which helps individuals stay present and engaged rather than getting overwhelmed by negative thoughts or fears of failure. When setting new goals, it’s important to check in with yourself regularly.

Mindful Goal-Setting Exercise:

  • Pause and reflect: Why is this goal important to me?

  • Notice your emotions: Does this goal bring up anxiety, excitement, or doubt?

  • Accept without judgment: If challenges arise, remind yourself that setbacks are part of growth.

Whether you’re in individual therapy or group therapy, practicing mindfulness can help you stay on track with your personal growth journey.

3. Improve Interpersonal Effectiveness for Better Support

Achieving goals isn’t just about self-discipline—it’s also about interpersonal effectiveness and surrounding yourself with people who support your growth. DBT teaches communication skills that help individuals navigate relationships, set boundaries, and ask for help when needed.

Example DBT Skill: DEAR MAN

A popular DBT technique for interpersonal effectiveness is DEAR MAN, which helps you assert your needs while maintaining healthy relationships:

  • Describe: Clearly state what you want.

  • Express: Share your feelings without blame.

  • Assert: Stand firm in your request.

  • Reinforce: Explain why it benefits both parties.

  • Mindful: Stay focused and don’t get distracted.

  • Appear confident: Even if you’re unsure, speak with assurance.

  • Negotiate: Be open to compromise when necessary.

If your goal is to create stronger relationships or seek more support, using interpersonal effectiveness strategies can make a significant difference.

4. Strengthen Emotional Regulation Skills

Many people abandon their goals because of struggles with intense emotions. DBT’s emotional regulation skills help individuals recognize, process, and respond to emotions in a healthier way.

DBT Strategies for Emotional Regulation:

  • Opposite Action: If an emotion urges you to quit, do the opposite—push forward with your goal.

  • Self-Soothe: Engage in comforting activities (e.g., listening to music, journaling) when feeling overwhelmed.

  • Check the Facts: Challenge negative thoughts by asking yourself, “Is this thought based on facts or assumptions?”

By applying these skills, you can reduce emotional roadblocks that might otherwise derail your progress.

5. Develop Coping Skills to Handle Setbacks

New Year’s resolutions often fail because people feel discouraged by setbacks. Instead of seeing obstacles as failures, DBT teaches us to use coping skills to navigate challenges.

DBT Coping Strategies to Stay Motivated:

  • Radical Acceptance: Accept setbacks as part of the process instead of resisting or judging yourself.

  • Self-Validation: Remind yourself that your efforts matter, even if you haven’t reached your goal yet.

  • Distraction Techniques: Engage in an enjoyable activity (e.g., reading, exercise) to shift focus away from frustration.

Setbacks don’t mean you’ve failed—they mean you’re learning. The key is to stay focused and keep going.

Final Thoughts: Build a Life Worth Living

DBT therapy sessions are designed to help individuals build a life worth living, and goal setting is a big part of that journey. By integrating mindfulness, emotional regulation, coping skills, and interpersonal effectiveness, you can create meaningful changes that last beyond just the New Year.

If you’re struggling to set or maintain your goals, working with a therapist trained in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can provide the tools and support you need. At The Lilac Center, we offer individual therapy, group therapy treating borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, addictions issues and other mental health conditions.

Start your journey today. Contact the Lilac Center to learn how DBT can help you achieve your goals and create lasting change.

Robert Sanders